Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
