I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
