Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
