Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
In other news, I just burned my penis
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
