i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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