I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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