I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
