Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
