There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
