some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
where are my eyebrows?
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