so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
