when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
