I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Alive.
So much puke
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize