My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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