thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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