Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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