Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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