I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
