Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
