yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
