I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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