I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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