I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
