dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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