i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
