Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
