Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
