I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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