he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
