My underwear smells like fireworks.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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