Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
