Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
