1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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