i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You ate ashes out of my bong
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
