I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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