Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
