just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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