I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
