Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize