Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
