I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
