i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
