There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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