I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
