I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
