something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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