I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
