There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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