In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
