could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
