He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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