I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
