I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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