and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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