Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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