Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize