YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
