Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
