i just had sex bonerless
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
