omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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