I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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