overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
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