Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize