i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
