Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
