what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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