god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
