"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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