Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
