I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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