I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
