He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
