I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
